For those of you who don’t know, I lost my job last spring due to the recession and teacher cuts and wandered around in my own spiritual desert for a while.  Though the Lord provided a new job a few months later, which filled me with renewed purpose and joy, the reality of what God was bringing into my life hit me like a wall of bricks, and I realized I was walking deeper into the desert instead of out.

But here I am.  I just returned from the Extraordinary Women Conference in Rockford, where I think I began to hear a few things from the Lord. The God I have felt was sitting aloft in the clouds, just watching all this happen, is  beginning to reveal His nearness to me…

One:  “You give and take away.  You give and take away.’”  I have never had God give something that He later took away as powerfully as He did my first teaching job.  It was obvious to me when He provided me with that job that it was His will.  But I was NOT expecting Him to take it back.  I yelled at God, “How could you do this to me?  I’ve had to move and change so many times in life, I don’t deserve to have to do it again.  This is not the right timing.  Didn’t you just finish putting me through the fire of a one-year Master’s degree?  Didn’t you want to use it?  You must not love me Lord.  You must not care.”  The moment I walked into the conference on Friday, however, God reminded me of something.  His heart inside me, the one from long ago and burried deep for music and ministry, began to beat again.  And I think maybe God told me that although this teaching dream is dead, it is dying to make room for a new one… the one that has been planned all along.

Two:  “This year is more about your heart than your teaching.”  Oh yes, my new job… I have so many students that even now, in 2nd quarter, I still don’t know all of their names.  My dreams of individualizing education are seemingly smashed, and the circumstances under which I teach place roadblocks in front of so many teaching strategies that I know would benefit these students, if only…   I am drowning in paperwork and unrealistic expectations.  I yelled at him, “This is how you wanted to use my training, Lord?  This is the dream?”  Well, if God is putting my public teaching career to rest, then I must believe there is purpose in this year for his glory.  I am battling depression at my circumstances, anxiety at what I will face each day I return to school, and I am having to rely heavily on the God I have not spent much face-to-face time with in the last few years.  Perhaps this year is His way of bringing me back to Him in a way I’ve never experienced before. 

Three years of learning to teach, including one year of an intensive Master’s program has molded into who I am as a teacher, and I thought He was refining me for the classroom.  Now, though, I think He was refining me for something else… and this year, is meant to refine my heart.

God certainly works in His way and in His timing.  But in the midst of my heart breaking and my mind battling daily for peace, I will choose to praise my God.  He hasn’t left me.  And I trust that as He lays one dream to rest in this desert, as I lay this dream to rest, He is leading me through… He will lead me through to the real dream that was His from eternity and is now mine.

- Jen

In July, I am going to attempt to read all 20 of next year’s Caudills, starting with The Hunger Games.  Is there anyone who’d like to make a challenge with me?  You could read three, five, ten, all of them?  Then, perhaps you can work on the Lincoln books in the fall.

If you’d like to join in, post your goal below and then post your reviews on the Teen Book Reviews page.  Just don’t give away the endings!  You can find all of this year’s Caudills at http://www.rcyrba.org/.

Happy reading!

- Mrs. Miller

When I was in high school, I wrote a song I called, “Crossroads.”  One verse and the chorus went like this…

Questions come to our hearts,

this indecision breaks us down.

Lessons learned leave us aching,

but teach us where to turn.

I’ve got this funny inclination,

leading me around,

If I could learn to choose your will,

maybe I could…

Dance at the crossroads,

and laugh,

with no fear of the future.

Take my life away from me,

take my life away.

I look back on these words and my heart wants to scoop them up and hold them close, for I am certainly in the midst of “indecision breaking me down” and “lessons learned leaving me aching.”  However, the wisdom that God imparted to me through these words when I was a teen comes racing back hard.  If I could learn to choose His will, maybe I really could dance at these crossroads.  This very fork in the road.  Real, free-spirited, Jesus-trusting dancing. 

Lord, as I go through this day, this week, this summer, would you enable me to dance, to laugh with no fear of the future.  And do take my life from me.  I seem to have convinced myself that I am again in charge and that you are working from the sidelines.  But you are speaking to my heart, whispering as you always do, in your kindness, that you bought me with a price.  I no longer belong to myself.

Let it go, Jen.  Laugh.  Dance.

She is clothed with strength and dignity;
       she can laugh at the days to come.

~ Proverbs 31:25

Thanks to syder.ros for the photo used above… http://www.flickr.com/photos/9728593@N03/2378597006/

I will be playing with my husband and church band at a benefit concert called Band Together, joining Fox Valley churches together for fun, fellowship, worship, and service.  Band Together will take place at Pottawattamie Park in St. Charles, Il, this Sunday (June 6).  The event runs from 2:00 to 7:00, and our band plays at 4:00.  Bring a picnic and come enjoy a great time!

I would LOVE it if you could come!!! 

Students – Bailey will be there. 

Check out www.bandtogetherworld.com for more information. 

~ Jen

quiet and soft and slow,

falling from the sky in the night

to the earth below.

~  Audry Assad, “Winter Snow”

It’s Christmas Eve morning.  I’m eating Pillsbury goodness, while my husband plays along to a Crossroads DVD.  There is sparkling ice blanketing the trees outside my window, and I’m thinking about what the Lord might have in store for me this next year.   Am I like those trees, covered and sleeping, waiting for the spring to awaken the next beautiful, blossoming season?

I think it may be time to begin moving toward a dream, a heart’s desire that I’ve had for a long time… to sing, to speak, and to minister directly to people. 

I am currently in my third year of teaching, working on a Master’s degree in Literacy.  I love teaching and believe God has me right where He wants me, but I also feel a nudge, a gentle whisper, a possible opening door…  pick up the guitar and the pen again… Spring is coming.

I don’t know where the Lord will take me.  I don’t want to rush Him.  I just want to be still, to begin to experiment a little, and wait for Him to move me.  Come, Lord, quiet and soft and slow, falling from the sky in the night to my heart.

Merry Christmas Everyone.

- Jen

All of God’s Word is powerful, but there is something special about words spoken directly by Jesus to a woman in need of healing… spoken directly to me… to us.

In the midst of a crowd, on the way to see a dying girl, Jesus stops and senses that power has gone out from him.  A woman in the crowd has touched him, believing that just one touch of his garment might heal her body of its twelve-year bleeding.

Desperation, belief, hope…

Have there been times in your life when you needed just one touch?  And instead of leaving you with just a touch, Jesus turned to you with compassion, called you “daughter,” healed you completely, and filled you with peace for your future?

This is the story of my last two years of college.  During that time, I journeyed through the pains of a difficult childhood to heal, by God’s grace, from it all.  Jesus did not provide me with just one touch… he surrounded me with Himself, blessed me with a caring, healthy, church family, provided me with sound counseling, situated me with loving roommates, and led me to the man who would later become my husband.

Blessed beyond belief and called daughter all along.  What a God we have who sees us, knows us personally, and heals us.  Recalling His wonderful deeds in my life convicts me to trust Him today in my current trials.

What do you think of this verse?  Of the Bible’s accounts of personal encounters with Jesus?  Of times in your life when you needed a touch from the Savior?

We’d love to hear.

- Jen Miller

so I’m here to see what the Lord has in store. 

I think I’d like to start a devotional blog, posting weekly scripture studies on this site.  My hope is that you and I would both find encouragement and a place to converse about God’s Word and work in our lives.

Thoughts on this idea?

Have a wonderful day!

 In Him,

Jen

Thanks to notashamed for his photo… http://www.flickr.com/photos/34145827@N00/1206462482/

Now that I’m off for Thanksgiving break, I am left  with tons of papers, and I promised my students grades on Monday.  Yikes.  The closer the deadline comes, the more I feel the heavy weight of a seemingly insurmoutable obstacle.  What do I do with this, Lord?  It feels like I just can’t do it.

^“4Rejoice in the Lord always. I will say it again: Rejoice! ⁵Let your gentleness be evident to all. The Lord is near. ⁶Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. ⁷And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.” (Phil. 4)

I wonder, does this really apply to grading papers?  To work responsbilities that cut into so much personal time… responsbilities in which I often procrastinate?

Let’s find out…

Lord, I am anxious about these three days to do so much work.  And I worry that if I don’t also take some time to relax, I will be frenzied and irritated when I go back on Monday.  I can’t do this on my own.  I give you all the work I have to do, and I ask for a few things…  Would you give me one piece at a time, whatever you know I can handle?  Would you give me so much strength that I find enjoyment in what I’m doing?  Would you help me somehow accomplish all of it, so I can be faithful to my word and to my teaching?  And would you please make me aware of your loving presence throughout it all?  Please help me to rejoice in you.  I love you.

Hmm… working already.    Always, always, always, I forget that He wants me to do Nothing on my own, and that with Him, all things are possible.  Thank you, Lord.

My husband has come home from work several times to bring me food, to take me to the clinic, and just to check on me.

Numerous people have called or emailed to check in and see how I’m doing.

My family members have gone shopping for me and given my husband “nursing” instructions.

My coworkers are going out of their ways to cover my responsibilities.

My grad. school family is being gracious and understanding.

And my new neighbors just brought me homemade chicken noodle soup. 

Thank you, everybody, for showing me God’s goodness through you!